Monday, 12 September 2011

And that's it.


Today was the final straw that broke the metaphorical camels back...


I had my third physio / myofascial massage session, but instead of my ankle - we had to focus on a new injury, my calf muscle. When I was walking to the shop yesterday, I came back limping. Its torn and swollen and I've been recommended to rest, yet again for another 3 days.


We're 13 days away from the Half Marathon, and when I'm honest with myself, I know I cannot run this. Theres no way. Starting it, on my part, would be stupid. If I injured myself during it (which seems to be the only thing that happens when I run) what would I do?


I've already informed the Team that I'm out. And it was heartbreaking.


Now, if you would have told me last year that I would be sat crying because I can't run thirteen miles, I would have laughed in your face.


Team Bangs On The Run and Run To The Beat training became absolutely everything to me. It was my next big project. I applied while I was living in Spain, and I remember receiving the email that I had made the Team (the only team I've ever been in, or been chosen for) while I was walking around my sleepy Spanish village at 8am.


Its hard to put into words what running has done for my life (without getting too deep and cheesetastic) and just how much I love to bits the 13 other girls I've met along the way. Because it wasn't just a race to me, and I don't think many other people will understand how it feels for something I've worked so hard for, now to be unachievable. It was going to be the first 'hard to reach' goal I would have ever achieved, something so far out of my comfort zone that has grown to be an enjoyable release. It would have been so amazing to have done that with all the girls by my side, who are just the most wonderful individuals I've ever known... But I also believe if something is or isn't meant to be, then that is what will happen. Maybe this just isn't for me. Or maybe just not this year.


I like to think I've done absolutely everything I possibly can to get this right, from numerous gait analysis', three pairs of trainers, ankle supports, doctors appointments, ibuprofen and ice packs, resting for days on end... If nothing else I've proved to myself, that I'm a lot more determined than I think, I've grown as a person, and learnt a lot along the way (especially about injuries and muscles!)


I imagined a post like this would come after the Race. And how fantastic it was, and how much I love the Team. But instead this will be my last running post for a while (sure some of you are glad :))


I need to focus on repairing this disaster body of mine and finding other ways of exercising, but one thing I know for sure is that I've found an activity I love, people I love and I won't let this put me off.


This isn't completely over, yet.


xo


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9 comments

  1. We love you, Sam. I feel so awful that you can't do it but am also so so proud of how far you've come, what you've achieved and how much effort you've put in to make it happen. You're such an inspiration! Well done beautiful, can't wait to see you on race day xxxxxxx

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  2. I'm so gutted for you - I've been following yours and the other Team Bangs ladies' progress and having experienced a similar thing myself, know how crying over something you only recently discovered you wanted really can be the most gut wrenching thing! All the best with your recovery and fingers crossed you'll be up and running (excuse the pun) soon xx

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  3. Awwww I'm so bummed for you!!! But you're right - its much better to focus on getting better so you can continue to do what you love and run in the future. I hope your journey to recovery is quick with as little hiccups as possible!!!

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  4. Thanks so much Michelle :) that's really, really sweet. I don't plan on letting you Team Bangs girlies go anywhere after this, so hopefully there will be another race we can all do together in the future :)
    See you at the finish line m'love! You're going to do SO well! Xxx

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  5. Aw, so sorry to hear you know what if feels like, because it really isn't great :( the other girls are going to rock it though, I know that much, and I'll be so happy just watching them cross the finish line anyway, it will make my day. And thank you :) xx

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  6. Thanks so much :) ... I think I could seriously damage something if I continued now, its clear my body doesnt like running much any more, or for now at least, so I'll listen to that & accept it.
    Hopefully there'll be a lot more challenges out there xx

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  7. Samantha, what a shame that you can't make the race and I can completely understand how you must feel. The most important thing is to get yourself fit and well again and take as much time out as you needs. There will be plenty more races to come! Wishing you a speedy recovery from the team at ProGait.

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  8. Thank you so much :)... Yes, it definitely is upsetting, but cheering the Team on will be a great experience too.
    Doing lots of resting, so hopefully I can be back up & running soon! x

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  9. [...] this year is to run atleast one Half Marathon. Of course, I feel like I will run Berlin – but as last year showed, you never know what is round the corner. So I’ll keep my fingers & toes crossed that [...]

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