Today was the final straw that broke the metaphorical camels back...
I had my third physio / myofascial massage session, but instead of my ankle - we had to focus on a new injury, my calf muscle. When I was walking to the shop yesterday, I came back limping. Its torn and swollen and I've been recommended to rest, yet again for another 3 days.
We're 13 days away from the Half Marathon, and when I'm honest with myself, I know I cannot run this. Theres no way. Starting it, on my part, would be stupid. If I injured myself during it (which seems to be the only thing that happens when I run) what would I do?
I've already informed the Team that I'm out. And it was heartbreaking.
Now, if you would have told me last year that I would be sat crying because I can't run thirteen miles, I would have laughed in your face.
Team Bangs On The Run and Run To The Beat training became absolutely everything to me. It was my next big project. I applied while I was living in Spain, and I remember receiving the email that I had made the Team (the only team I've ever been in, or been chosen for) while I was walking around my sleepy Spanish village at 8am.
Its hard to put into words what running has done for my life (without getting too deep and cheesetastic) and just how much I love to bits the 13 other girls I've met along the way. Because it wasn't just a race to me, and I don't think many other people will understand how it feels for something I've worked so hard for, now to be unachievable. It was going to be the first 'hard to reach' goal I would have ever achieved, something so far out of my comfort zone that has grown to be an enjoyable release. It would have been so amazing to have done that with all the girls by my side, who are just the most wonderful individuals I've ever known... But I also believe if something is or isn't meant to be, then that is what will happen. Maybe this just isn't for me. Or maybe just not this year.
I like to think I've done absolutely everything I possibly can to get this right, from numerous gait analysis', three pairs of trainers, ankle supports, doctors appointments, ibuprofen and ice packs, resting for days on end... If nothing else I've proved to myself, that I'm a lot more determined than I think, I've grown as a person, and learnt a lot along the way (especially about injuries and muscles!)
I imagined a post like this would come after the Race. And how fantastic it was, and how much I love the Team. But instead this will be my last running post for a while (sure some of you are glad :))
I need to focus on repairing this disaster body of mine and finding other ways of exercising, but one thing I know for sure is that I've found an activity I love, people I love and I won't let this put me off.
This isn't completely over, yet.