Thursday, 13 January 2011

And we're back.

Hum.

I'm definitely happy to see everyone again, that is the first thing. I missed my Estepa amigos while I was at home.
But that could possibly be where the line of 'missing things,' ends.

I knew this first week back would be hard, so really it's no surprise to me that I feel this way (and probably not the best time to be writing a blog about such things! but, oh well.) 

I guess going from such a big city, being around people I love and being able to get wherever I needed easily, to a place that has 12,000 people, (if that) and a major lack of public transport is a weird one. I do like Estepa, just to clear that up, its never done me any harm, the locals are friendly enough and I love my friends here, but I get the feeling I don't belong / don't know what I'm doing here any more. I don't exactly want to feel like this, I think every day this week I've woken up on the verge of tears; not being dramatic, do you know how hard it is to try put make-up on while you're bawling? Difficult. Trust me I've tried many things to try help (even down to reading an Islamic book to try find some spiritual guidance on this... true facts.) but maybe in the end its something that will pass, as most things do anyway.

I'm still doing everything I would do if I didn't feel like this, still making plans to travel on weekends and go out, so I know I won't look back and think, "well that was a waste of time." of which I hope will help with this ridiculous feeling I've had since Sunday.


In the meantime, I'm just trying to not give up. As a rule I generally don't, and I'll see this year through to the end probably no matter what. I'm kind of annoying myself writing this as I don't want to see it as a chore, because that's not what this is about. Anyway, the workings of my mind!

I need to find my goals, and keep on working towards that.

While I figure that out, I've been playing with my camera. So ending things on a better note; (I'll stop whining, promise.)



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3 comments

  1. If it helps, I'm sitting here with two pairs of socks on, a big thick hoodie and a blanket around me, it's so cold. Could do with a dose of Estepa weather!

    But I'm sure it will pass. I'm certain everyone goes through something like this. Going through something a bit similar myself. It's good that you're keeping busy. Also, at the risk of sounding like a cliche - I do think spirituality can be the key - it's helps me. Maybe don't give up on that either. Just saying.

    Amazing shots too - love the last one! :)

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  2. Hey hun, I just wanted to say that I read your post and I totally know how you feel and that you are not alone. This week has been really hard for me as well, trying to fit back in again and missing home.
    Just keep doing what your doing, planning things etc. and you will make it through, we all will.

    PS: I have become so cheesy since coming here, hope your enjoying the lovely weather.

    Loves X x x

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  3. Hi,
    I hope by posting a comment it takes you back to read what you wrote.

    "I'm still doing everything I would do if I didn't feel like this, still making plans to travel on weekends and go out, so I know I won't look back and think, "well that was a waste of time." of which I hope will help with this ridiculous feeling I've had since Sunday."

    I think from where you were then to now - only four weeks away from the end of your year - you should be very proud of your achievements.

    You certainly have got out and about, made the most of your time when you were not in class.

    Your photos have been inspirational and I hope you are proud of your achievements - You should be despite what it has given you; it has also enriched the lives of the children who you have taught.

    To top all of that are your photos - I am speechless they are amazing!

    A roller-coaster of emotions, a true taste of Spain. Something to look back on with pride.

    Well done Sam - you should be very very proud of yourself. We are. Xxx

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